August 10, 2008 – Local Cheesheads are facing a tough decision thanks to the New Jersey Jets acquisition of former Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Farve.

The thoughts Becky Gunderson of Greenpoint, but originally from Manitowoc, Wisconsin, reflects the quandary of most local Cheeseheads, “I don’t know what to do. I love Brett, but I am loyal to the Packers. This is really tough, and so.”

Hoboken resident and Green Bay native Norbert Jacobsen suggested a compromise solution, “I’ll root for the Packers as always, but I’ll root for Brett as long as the Jets aren’t playing us. Plus they are in the other conference. The Jets aren’t on the schedule this year, but there is always the Super Bowl.”

Another Wisconsin transplant, Mary Sullivan, who leads tours in New York and New Jersey following the path of legendary Packers coach Vince Lombardi, said, “I don’t plan to add Giants Stadium to the tour. Farve was an important figure in the history of the Packers, but not as important as Vince. It is funny how that there is now another New York and New Jersey connection to the Packers, but this time in reverse.”

No local Cheesehead The Limes talked to wavered in their loyalty to the Packers. Almost all of them called it “a sacred covenant” between the fans and team.

August 10, 2008 – After making several anti-Guido comments last month, Belmar Mayor Ken Pringle was forced by several Staten Island Guidos to visit the island borough. Pringle was forced to ride the Staten Island Ferry without returning to Manhattan once it docked, visit several Italian restaurants, patronize several strip clubs, and take a tour of the island’s most famous attraction - the site of the former Fresh Kills Landfill.

In his July 4th newsletter, Pringle called the Guidos “welcome as, oh, Canada Geese” in Belmar as well as several true statements about the women of Staten Island and blondes. “They couldn’t handle the truth,” Pringle said after a harrowing several hours in Richmond County. “What does being honest get me? A trip to [expletive deleted] Staten Island. All it did was show all the stereotypes were true.”

The Limes attempted to contact Acting Governor Dick Codey for comment, but we were told that he is, “down the shore this week.”

July 27, 2008 – New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine returned to the Governor’s Mansion in Princeton yesterday after his successful trip to Israel. The Governor met with Israeli officials and did not pick up any Israeli boy toys. It was an Israeli boy toy that then Governor Jim McGreevey picked up and gave an important homeland security post to which lead to his downfall.

Many Garden State residents were alarmed that the Governor had traveled to the Middle East nation. Joseph Clarke of Saddle River was shocked at the news, “What the hell was he thinking when he went there. Is he trying to prove that he is not Jim McGreevey? We know that already. He isn’t. He is just a crash test dummy. We really need someone like Acting Governor Codey as governor.”

Laurie Easterbrook of Summit was more concerned with the trip overall, “I think he was tempting fate. Just look at what happened to Jim McGreevey. I don’t want anything bad to happen to anybody, but anything to get back Acting Governor Dick Codey would really be welcome!”

One Trenton insider told The Limes, “It is a good thing that Jon doesn’t bat from that side of the plate. Although there are some really hot Israeli women. There were these two sisters I met at a club in Tel Aviv once and bada bing bada boom next thing we know we were in a tank and accidentally invaded Lebanon. But I digress. The general consensus is that since he is returning without anyone extra means that it is a successful trip.”

July 20, 2008 – New Jersey may have an official State Dinosaur, but it doesn’t have an official State Song. Dr. Daniel Marsden, DDS of Spring Lake in Monmouth County is looking to rectify that situation and has begun lobbying the Garden State’s legislators to make the theme song to the popular New Jersey set television show The Sopranos, “Woke Up This Morning” from British band Alabama 3, as the official state song.

“The state really needs a state song and one that people associate with New Jersey already. The theme to The Sopranos is perfect,“ said Marsden in his Spring Lake dental office. “There was an attempt done back in the 1960s and 1970s with this horrible song called ‘I’m From New Jersey’ written by some hack who called himself Red Mascara. That song was dated and sounded like ‘Here Come the Yankees’ combined with a bad 1950s beer jingle. I think that ‘Woke Up This Morning’ is much better since people world wide hear it and think New Jersey.”

Marsden already has several influential groups and individuals backing him including the New Jersey Association of Waste Management Professionals, several unions, and Belmar Mayor Ken Pringle. He noted, ”The key here is to get broad based bi-partisan support, that was something that hack songwriter failed to do. I even have a fallback position, the old New Jersey Network ‘Positively New Jersey’ jingle they used back in the 1980s.”

The Limes attempted to contact Acting Governor Dick Codey for a comment, but he was “down the shore this week.”

July 13, 2008 – An official multi-million dollar State of New Jersey poll of 50,000 state residents released yesterday showed that Acting Governor Richard “Dick” Codey is the most popular governor in the history of the Garden State. Codey received an amazing 97% in the poll.

“The conventional wisdom was that Thomas “Tom” Kean would be the most popular, due to those New Jersey and you tourism ads from the 80s,” said Victor “Vic” Torian, director of the New Jersey Department of Statistics and Billboard Management. “He finished a distant second at only 3%. As that great New Jersey resident Yogi Berra said, ‘It ain’t over ‘til it’s over!’”

According to several Trenton insiders, Codey’s regular Joe style and the accidental way he kept becoming Acting Governor were probably the two biggest things that made him so popular. One high ranking state senate member told The Limes, “There was some talk of making him Acting Governor for life. He knows how to bring the state together.”

There hasn’t been any word from Acting Governor Codey, probably due to him being down the shore for the week.

July 6, 2008 – The 2008 meeting of the New Jersey Association of Waste Management Professionals erupted into violence yesterday when a hail of bullets rained down on a conference room at the Hilton Atlantic City Casino. Dead are Anthony “Big Tony” Coperchio of Nutley, John “Fancy Pants” Secchio of Cherry Hill, and Vincent “The Motor” Spazzatura of Jersey City.

One witness that would not give his name told the Limes, “Nobody saw nothing here. Nobody saw nothing here, capice?”

New Jersey State Police Sergeant Sarah Silber told reporters at a news conference at State Police headquarters, “We don’t have any suspects at this time and the waste management community is known for their silence. Something happens almost every year with these garbage men.”