July 20, 2008 – A man identified by police as Arvin Harrowman, 24, of Massapequa was found dead in a Westbury bicycle shop early this morning, apparently the victim of a hit and run driver. Harrowman, who was dressed in a Superman costume, was found impaled on a display of Kryptonite bicycle locks in the window.

Nassau County Police Detective Robert Blutarsky said a news conference, “This is the forty-seventh ironic death in the county this year. Of those sixteen were homicides. The ironic death of Mr. Harrowman brings us over last years count. If things continue, we could have close to a hundred ironic deaths in the county this year.”

Nassau County Executive Thomas Suozzi asked citizens to stay calm, “There is no reason to get upset over the increase in ironic deaths. Just be smart and try to avoid irony. I am directing the police to form an anti-irony task force to deal with the increase in irony. We all must be vigilant and I suggest that we all increase the use of allegory.”

Hicksville resident Amy Bonazzi’s reaction was typical of county residents, “Irony, that is like where two words are spelled alike, but mean the same thing? Or is that simile or is it palindrome?”