July 13, 2008 – A year ago, Thomas MacDonough opened his St. Marks Place restaurant Mmm… Toast to rave reviews. Toast enthusiasts from throughout the world flocked to the small East Village eatery to sample hundreds of toast and topping combinations. In the past few months the herd thinned and thinned quickly.

“At first we had about 250 people a day come in,” said MacDonough surveying the empty tables dressed in an “I Love Toast” t-shirt and jeans. “Now we are lucky to get ten a week and half of them want change for the parking meter. We give more to City Harvest than we do to paying customers. After this Sunday no more toast.”

A few die hards, including Becky Gunderson of Williamsburg, are planning a “Toast In” on the last day. According to Gunderson, “We are going to get at least 50 people, maybe more if I can get enough Facebook friends to turn out.”

MacDonough plans to sell the 25 1950s vintage toasters used for toasting bread in order to help finance his next project in the space – The Water Bar. “It will have bottled waters from throughout the world. I already have 470 lined up. Hopefully everything will be in place by next Wednesday.”

July 13, 2008 – Dozens of citizens going about their business chastised the Pendergrast family of Zaleski, Ohio for blocking the sidewalk in front of the Tweed Courthouse, inconveniencing many pedestrians. The family of five stood in front of the Chambers Street building to gape at the filming of Law & Order across the street yesterday afternoon.

“They just were standing there mesmerized by the film crew. Everybody who had to maneuver past them said something. ” said witness Michelle Quinn of Bayside who was eating her lunch on the steps of the Tweed Courthouse.

Hannah Greenberg of Park Slope was stunned by their behavior, “It was strange how they were completely taken with a normal everyday event. They were even talking pictures and video.”

After about ten minutes of gaping and snide comments from dozens of annoyed passers by, the police were finally summoned. The family of five was told to move on by a team of heavily armed Emergency Service Unit officers. Police Commissioner Kelly said of the incident, “Tourist gawking is a problem that we want to get under control. It really affects the quality of life in the city.”

July 13, 2008 – An official multi-million dollar State of New Jersey poll of 50,000 state residents released yesterday showed that Acting Governor Richard “Dick” Codey is the most popular governor in the history of the Garden State. Codey received an amazing 97% in the poll.

“The conventional wisdom was that Thomas “Tom” Kean would be the most popular, due to those New Jersey and you tourism ads from the 80s,” said Victor “Vic” Torian, director of the New Jersey Department of Statistics and Billboard Management. “He finished a distant second at only 3%. As that great New Jersey resident Yogi Berra said, ‘It ain’t over ‘til it’s over!’”

According to several Trenton insiders, Codey’s regular Joe style and the accidental way he kept becoming Acting Governor were probably the two biggest things that made him so popular. One high ranking state senate member told The Limes, “There was some talk of making him Acting Governor for life. He knows how to bring the state together.”

There hasn’t been any word from Acting Governor Codey, probably due to him being down the shore for the week.

July 13, 2008 – It has come to our attention that several baseball scores did not appear in a previous edition of The Limes due to deliberate malfeasance by a now former employee. As a service to our readers, we regretfully acknowledge the error in some editions of the July 13, 1913 edition and will publish the scores for July 12, 1913 that were omitted below:
National League
Cincinnati 1, Giants 3
Chicago (N. L.) 5, Dodgers 6

American league
Yankees 1, St. Louis (A. L.) 2

The Limes regrets the error and will continue to correct mistakes in a timely manner as a service to our readers.

Pictured: Doc Crandall (left) & Grover Hartley (right) of the New York Giants

July 13, 2008 – In the spring of 2008, Six Flags, operator of Great Adventure in New Jersey, began airing ads for the theme park featuring a stereotypical Asian male with a comically stereotypical Asian accent. Amazingly, Councilman John Liu (District 20, D) has not spoken out about the ads.

Liu’s behavior was a surprise, given his vigorous defense of the Asian-American community, to many City Council observers and insiders. It was expected that Liu would have at least issued a press release about the ad.

“I would have expected him to have pounced on it, since it is a national ad campaign. It would have gotten Liu some national exposure,” said one City Hall insider. “I’m not even Asian and I am offended by these ads, “said another.

A high ranking member of the City Council told the Limes, “We all know he is going to be running for mayor so why would he turn down free publicity?”

The Limes was unable to speak with anyone in Liu’s office about the matter. A spokesperson for Six Flags told The Limes in a stereotypical Asian accent, “More flags, more fun.”